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The Dam 

               
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property.   It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious,  but read The State's letter before you get to the  response letter. 


State of Pennsylvania's letter to Mr. DeVries: 


SUBJECT:  DEQ 
File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming  County   

Dear Mr.  DeVries: 
 
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above  referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized  activity:     
Construction and  maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.  

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.  Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural  Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.   

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at  downstream locations.  We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.  The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.  All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2007. 
 
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement  action. 
  
We anticipate and would  appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have  any questions.  

Sincerely, 
David L.  Price 
District 
Representative and Water  Management  Division. 



Here is  the actual response sent back by Mr.  DeVries: 


Re: DEQ  File 
No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming  County  

Dear Mr. Price, 
 
Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.    

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet  stream of my Spring Pond.  While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris."    

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. 


These are the  beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. 

My first dam question to you is: 
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or 
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?   
 
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. 
  
(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource  and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled  Laws, annotated.) 

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. 
 
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is  proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the  Department is required to protect.   In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than  harassing them and calling them dam names.     

If you want the damed stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if  you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.   

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream.  They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.  If the Department of Natural Resources and  Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).   
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now.  Why wait until 1/31/2007? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them. 

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area  It is the bears!    Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.  If  you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!    

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine,I am sending this response to your dam office.
 
THANK YOU,

RYAN  DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Very interesting perspective by Jay Leno...

I hope you will all read to the end. Jay Leno puts it into perspective and makes us think about the pathetic negativity. That's right, Jay Leno!!

Jay Leno wrote this; it's the Jay Leno we don't often see....
"The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just isn't happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler or intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U..S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens.They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about t the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us in to war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?

The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it...are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go.

They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells , and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about "how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way"...Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

"With hurr icanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Jay Leno
2007 
                      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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